Parenting troubled teenagers can indicate coping with the unexpected. Witnessing outrageous behavior. Encountering unacceptable situations. Taking part in shocking conversations.
And are you aware why troubled teenagers and also the unexpected, the outrageous, the unacceptable and also the shocking in many cases are living in exactly the same home?
In a word, power.
Growing up is all about learning how to accept and manage your very own power and peacefully live alongside others as well as their personal power.
But nothing in life is straightforward and sometimes the ability journey gets twisted and turned upside down. Well-intentioned parents bring their own power issues into their new families. This could happen for a variety of reasons and also the only thing that matters is exactly what happens next.
A troubled teenager that has determined the adults in the life sometimes quit their ability when he constitutes a grab for it. Often it has been happening for a long time inside a family with no one really first viewed it as a potential problem.
Until it becomes a turning point in a teen’s life. Just like a drug, each time this teen looks into your eyes of an adult in authority, challenges them and they down again, he feels a rush.
Until he can’t stop. Nor does he wish to.
Obviously, the reality in cases like this is that simply because it seamless comfort does not mean it’s healthy or right. Actually, this power grab is very unhealthy and downright wrong. For any troubled teen to come to the knowning that power is hers to take is really a wildly dangerous and intoxicating idea.
And simply not true.
All life beyond her family will demonstrate to her that power isn’t hers for the taking. But at that time she’s missed or ignored the teachings of shared power. Of the benefits of living in a peaceful community, whether this is a family, dorms, a company office, a marriage or other societal group structure where we all need to contribute and look out for just one another.
Mom or Dad, you are able to stop this runaway train in your midst. You may not be able to change your teen into the calm, sweet tempered child you were hoping for, however, you can definitely get back charge of your house.
How?
Effectively parenting troubled teens means taking back your rightful power as a parent. You have authority and with it comes responsibility. In this instance responsibility is known as leadership.
Teens of all types need parental leadership. Troubled teens need an extra huge dose of it.
So the the next time your troubled teen stands up to you, stand taller. That doesn’t mean yelling or arguing or hitting.
This means thinking through the values of your home and family and building a first step toward boundaries upon it. It means clearly spelling out those boundaries together with your teen (along with other children) and attaching appropriate consequences to those boundaries if they’re crossed so that the pre-adults inside your household learn self-control, among other things.
Then it means following through and doing what you say. No matter what.
So, what to do with troubled teenagers?
In case your teen manipulates you. Stand firm.
If your teen rejects you. Stand firm.
Whenever your teen humiliates you. Stand firm.
You need to do this with enough contentration and of sufficient length and your teen just may make a move else for you.
Respect you.
That could be an unexpected, shocking and outrageous thing for your teenager to complete, too.
But totally appropriate, since you are the parent. And also the power stops along with you.
